Half Ironman Bike Ride and run.

Having completed the swim in the "Black Lagoon" I clambered onto the ramp and began the jog to the transition area.  I pulled my wetsuit off down to my waist on the way and took off my cap and goggles.  I found my bike quite easily and quickly pulled my wet suit off my legs whilst wishing I had pee'd before I got out the water.  The hateful thing about a bladder infection is the sensation of needing a wee when you don't.
I dried my feet and pulled on my socks and put my cycling shoes on.  I have learnt from training that I need to keep my shoes quite loose to prevent numbness in my feet.  I put my helmet on next as you are not allowed to unrack your bike until your helmet is on.  If you do, you will be penalized in time.
I was in too much of a hurry and put my race belt on upside down so wasted time sorting that out.
I shoved a load of caffeinated jelly beans in my mouth and headed off.  You have to run with your bike to the designated start point and in this case it was out of the field onto the road.  By now the cloud cover had been burned off and the sun was shinning. 
I had loaded my race belt with eight energy gels with caffeine and some of my flapjacks.  On the bike frame I had a small pouch with a few different energy bars.  I knew I had to eat enough if I was to keep going and I am very inexperienced in this field.  I had two full bottles of high energy drink on board and sipped on this regularly.  After the first 5 miles I ate the first energy bar, it was horrible and hard to swallow.  I forced it down because I knew I needed it.  I had an energy gel once I had been going 30 minutes.  Then had another at every 30 minute interval.  There were loads of riders passing me at speed.  I didn't get drawn into pushing too hard as I had to pace myself.  There was only one big climb up Leith Hill. Not pleasant but not too difficult compared to the hills I ride in Wales.  We had to ride the 23.5 mile loop twice, so at least I knew that hill was ok.  I was quite enjoying the ride at this stage and always managed to pass riders on the descents.  I still felt I needed a wee but kept up the fluid intake.  At 1hr 31 mins I completed the first loop and not before taking a wrong turn, began the second loop.  I was beginning to feel sick from the sweet gels and energy drink.  We past a bottle drop and I picked up a bottle and threw my empty one to the side.  I still had a full one of my own.
I took a sip of the drink provided and it tasted odd.  But it was probably just a flavour unfamiliar to me.  I knew I had to eat another energy bar so started chewing on one, and chew as I may, I was struggling to swallow it.  After a second bite I put the bar back in the pouch.  I just could not eat.  So I squidged another gel down and sipped the new drink.  After about 1hr 50 mins I stopped to have that much needed wee behind a bush.  I might as well have not bothered for all it was,  a pathetic trickle followed by a horrid burning sensation all to familiar with an infection.  This made me upset and once back on the bike I was fighting back the tears.  I felt I had better drink more in case I was dehydrated.  But at 2hrs 20 mins I was heaving and had to stop to throw up.  Of course this made me more upset and the gremlins in my head took over.  I started thinking I could just not do the run.  I was feeling so low and full of self doubt.  I could feel the back of my bad knee beginning to hurt and the muscle in my left ham string getting tighter.  At this point I could see myself running at all.  I told myself that it was ok if I couldn't run, after all this was a practice run for the big event in September.
Going up Leith hill was very different the second time round.  I felt I had no strength or energy.  I plodded up but was heartened by the fact that my heart rate was pretty steady.  That gave me a mental boost.  Once that hill was done I knew it was ten miles to the finish with only a few uphill gradients and some nice fast descents.  I rode on and talked myself into at least giving the run a go and pulling out if I couldn't go on.  By time I got back to the transition area I was feeling a little better but still upset.  It took me almost 15 minutes more to complete that second lap.  I walked to my station with my bike, racked it and took my helmet off.  I sat down and changed socks and shoes.  I completely forgot about the savoury snack I had in my box. I did remember to put my knee support on.  I set off over the fields on the run section.  I thought the field run was going to be short but it was 2km of uneven field before the road. 
For the run we had to go out 5km and back twice.  That meant covering the field section four times.
Any way I set off at snails pace but was determined to give it a go.  I was still berating myself about feeling so bad and then I realised how stupid I was being.  I had managed to run the first 6km before I had to walk,  it was then I realised that no matter how bad I had felt or what I had convinced myself of, I was actually doing it!  It was then I made the decision that I would finish the course, even if it meant walking the rest of the way.  So from there I walked and ran back to the start and then began the second and final loop.  The first one took me 1hr 30 mins and I knew the next loop would be slower.  I didn't eat on the run, but forced my self to have a gel every 30 minutes.  I took a cup of plain water at each feed station and poured water over myself each time to cool down.  The sun was beating down quite harshly.  At about 8km I had terrible pain in the sole of my left foot and each step was agony.  My right knee began to hurt and because I had let my shoes get soaked my feet began to slide a bit inside my shoes and my toes felt like they were sliding forward in my shoes with each step and smashing into the front of the shoe.  I walked and ran along from side to side of the road seeking shade.  Despite all the pain and discomfort I was feeling much better mentally as I knew I was going to accomplish my goal.  I managed to run through the field to the finish line.  There were a few people behind me still to finish, but as I ran over the finish line with a huge smile on my face, most of the people had gone.  A few were left and they couldn't have been more supportive as they shouted encouragement in those last few steps.   I was happy to finish and also a bit sad that there was no one waiting for me at the finish line.  It was a bit of an anti climax as I walked off alone to collect my bike and bits and make my way to my car. 
In conclusion, I am glad I did this event.  It has made me acutely aware of how hard the full Ironman distance is going to be.  I will be re thinking my training for these last few weeks and also try and better prepare myself mentally and emotionally.
For now I will rest tomorrow and start again on Wednesday.